inner peace

on family

My worse fear is to grow up to bequeathed with my parents' worse traits. I think that the fear has come quite close to truth today. My younger sister, who just returned home for Xmas break, reacted to me the same way that I react to my mom when I made a comment. She anticipated that I would comment negatively on everything that she mentions, and she would, defensively be on guard and tries to conceal the repercussions of my comments on her feelings. The same sort of insecurity and tension exists between me and my mother. There's this insurpassable high standards through which my mother 'grades' my thoughts, comments, moves, decisions, looks, and even the air I breathe. Some of you might say, well to hell with it! Grow up! It's your life, not hers! Well, it has been tested that this type of tension certainly runs in the family. I myself, despising this pretentious, judgmental way of parenting, has also fallen prey into this patronizing way of communicating with my younger sibling. Being years apart, our relationship is in between siblings and parents-child relationship. The most painful revelation that occurred today was not the pattern of the relationship with my sister, but the inevitability of it. I can't help what I say just as if I were an actor in a scripted scene where the 'show must go on,' and there's nothing else left to be said. Why can't love be injure-free?

I've read somewhere that love is only painful when it is conditional . If love is unconditional, it doesn't matter how the one that you love reacts. I wonder how many can actually live up to such love. Maybe I'm just to 'human.'

posted by Y @ 12/21/2003 03:22:00 AM